Pop quiz: what is the difference between Rugelach and arugula?  One is a mouth-watering cookie, and the other is a bitter vegetable.  Two guesses as to which one keeps bringing people in to Jewish Delis everywhere.  Everyone loves a Jewish deli.  Why?  Not cuz they’re Jewish, but for the same reasons everyone loves a theme restaurant.  And the theme at these homey places is ludicrously oversized sandwiches.

After many months of selfless personal sacrifice dining at many well-known and obscure Jewish Delis across the county, we have painfully narrowed it down to two top contenders who are ready to go head to head in the ring in the challenge for the best Jewish Deli in San Diego and of course for the covetable Golden Knish award – an honor only awarded by food fight Radio.

Milton’s is hip, local, and cool looking. At Milton’s you can have one of my personal favorites, fried chicken and waffles: tasty, crispy, the breakfast of champions. We waited only a few minutes before sitting down to a clean table and warm welcome, and not a half bad cup of coffee.  French Toast, Belgian Waffles, a burrito…You may not notice right away that Milton’s is a Jewish Deli, but at least they make the French toast with Challah, by far the world’s tastiest egg bread. That braided stuff you’ve seen at the store but never bought cuz you and your waspy family didn’t know how you were supposed to eat it? Yeah, that stuff. Of course they have lox on a bagel.  It’s expensive brunch food for Americans now – lovely smoked salmon with red onion and tomato slices. Guaranteed to fill you up and give you bad breath. I forgave Milton’s the minor indiscretion of having an egg white breakfast with a plain grilled chicken breast. They are serving a Californian customer base but no Jewish mother would allow such a meal to be served in her home, and so it should not be allowed in a Jewish Deli.

The food was tasty, the coffee frequently refilled. The only thing missing was the actual feeling of being in a real Jewish Deli, till the sandwich arrived; of which 70% of the meat had to be immediately taken out so I could get my face around it. That’s what we want in a deli sandwich.  That feeling of ludicrousness. The sky high pile of meat stupidity. Plus you feel like a wuss for not being able to eat your sandwich like a grown up. They only have 5 different kinds of smoked fish here though so I don’t know who they think they’re dealing with. I guess they’ve scaled down the authenticity a bit for the Americans. And they lost me at Greek yogurt and a half a grapefruit. A vegetarian section on the menu? Oy.

Our contender, DZ Akins, was an altogether different experience. You’ve never seen so many packed tables, all being served at the same time by your aunt Esther.  Hot coffee, great heavy stuff. Huge menu! Absurd in fact. They have a hundred different kinds of sandwiches – and only about a half of them contain liverwurst. This is a place I can really go nuts. We had the Reuben omelet. It’s an omelet with pastrami, cheese, sauerkraut and Russian dressing inside – totally wicked combo and just the right amount of gooey fillings. We had the chicken noodle soup – aka Jewish penicillin. I’m not kidding, it’s the best hangover remedy, not that I had one when I went in… ahem…

The sandwich menu, I’m not gonna lie, did have my eyes glazing over a bit, but I was able to narrow it down to the top three, all of which either had liverwurst or  brisket or tongue but only one that had all three! Oh yeah. Folks, this place has liverwurst on the kids menu… If you are not a card carrying Jew when you walk in, you will be by the time you walk out. I believe it’s an automatic conversion when you eat that much liver at one time.

Of course, the desserts were predictably amazing; the éclair was as long as my forearm, but it was the Rugelach that really blew my mind. It’s a soft rich buttery cookie, filled with a number of things, like chocolate, preserves; so addictive, I bought a bunch to go. Of course my kids got to them and I never saw another Rugelach.

My suggestion for the lite eaters out there is to leave, but maybe you can find an egg-white low carb something, if your waitress doesn’t strangle you for ordering it.

So for the breakdown, every proper Jewish deli has corned beef hash – that’s a given, but you’ve gotta be a bit hardcore to earn my respect. Each has smoked fish but only DZ Akins has 7 different kinds. Both Delis have absurdly tall sandwiches where you have to take out most of the stuff before you can even make an attempt at eating it. Of the two places only DZ Akins has the nerve, the stones, the cahones, to serve that liverwurst, brisket, tongue and chopped liver all at the same time. Not because they’re trying to be weird but because there’s a near-sighted old man who loves it and comes at the same time every Tuesday.

Both have tasty desserts but only DZ Akins has desserts that are worth the heart attack. Milton’s has great coffee, and a women who could be my favorite bubby taking care of the refills, a boastable selection and a steady following. The tallies were in, the liver served, and the desserts packed to go, but it was DZ Akins that charmed with a reminder of what it means to not just enjoy a Jewish Deli, but to be Jewish. It was there, on the menu, staring up at me.  A tradition as old as forcing your kids to go to college to be the next generation of near-sighted accountants. A tasty, richly flavored entrée of close families, all loving and complaining about each other at the same time. Called a Kishka. A beef fat enriched, paprika spiced, veggie sausage. Hard to explain and impossible to pass up. A real Jewish Kishka – I had to have it, and only one of these places serves it, and that’s DZ Akins.

So with a Manischewitz salute, we congratulate the deli that has remained true, with bubbie’s recipes, and the warm welcome of proper Kishkas and Knish.  A deli that reminds all of us that purple horseradish has its place, and the real winner of the coveted Golden Knish award and today’s food fight challenge golden gelt medalist- its DZ Akins.  Congratulations!  Oy vay everybody!!