Foie gras is that super-silky-bulging-distressed duck liver which is so desired, so tasty, so controversial that even a politician as buff as Arnold won’t take a stand.  That’s how PETA got the ban passed into law; those weak little pudding brained emotional sussbuckets that are more concerned for the welfare of a darn duck than starving and suffering people.

That’s right. They could march for cancer research, childhood hunger, immunizations for undeveloped countries where people die of a hang nail, but no, they’ve decided to focus all their attention on a duck, and not even a cute duck. You ever tried to pet one?  Those things are mean.  They don’t just bite, they follow you for miles and come after your families.  And so you ask, do they deserve to die for that?  Yes! Yes, they do.  If you’re gonna be delicious, you should tread lightly around human beings. These ducks have it coming.

And what’s all the fuss about?  The way they’re force fed extra grain to get their livers all nice and chubby.  Sure, if this was done to people that would be torturous and inhumane, you say, it’s cruel, you say.  You ignoramus!   Do you think the duck farmers came up with it.  You got it, people have been doing this to people.  For centuries.  To prisoners on a hunger strike, to the imprisoned suffragettes in the early 1900’s who just wanted the right to vote, to prisoners of war where they’re force fed down their noses with foods their religion forbids, to young skinny girls to fatten them up before being married off.

PETA: you’re misguided, ignorant and you have got to sort out your priorities.  People are more important than ducks- and yes, this practice is still being done today.  And people are nothing like ducks, are they?  They overeat themselves before migration where their livers are supposed to bulge to up 4 times their natural size, and unlike people, they have a throat made just for this with a built in trap that stores the food before heading down and that’s where the gavage pipe goes.  This thing has no gag reflex.  When done to people its barbaric, when done to ducks, it’s dinner!

And you know what PETA?  You’ve accomplished nothing.  You got the foie banned only in California and not very successfully, you’ve opened up a whole black market that’s doing quite well.  And restaurant owners?  You can still serve the foie.  It’s illegal to buy it, it’s illegal to sell, but if you serve a $40 piece of toast and it happens to come with a free piece of foie on top?  Guess what, that’s completely legal.  So PETA…did you save any ducks?  Nope.  They’re still making it, still selling it, still cooking with it and still eating it.  I had a foie burrito for breakfast, and if we foodies find out your little grass-fed free range hormone free livers taste good we’ll be serving you with some fava beans and a nice chianti.  Bon appetit!

-Claire Kats

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