Why would you ever ruin a perfectly good superficial relationship by going into someone’s home.  It’s like a client or work associate.  They’re pretty much normal, they’re professional, you’ve even had lunch with them and they seem fine.  You look forward to the possibilities, the after work drinks, the golf games, the bbqs and of course the referrals…

Then by a freak series of events you agree to meet them at their house for some reason.  This is a mistake.  Because whatever persona they’ve been projecting during the course of your puddle deep relationship outside of their home- when you get an intimate peak into the that persons private living space, that persona will now seem like a scary clown mask.

Because the outside of the house looks normal, but when you walk in you see things like stacks of newspapers from the 80’s.  You see a glass menagerie of tiny turtle figurines, just turtles.  You see an overflowing hall closet that smell like mothballs and wonder if there’s a pet cemetery inside.  You meet their freak faced ugly kids and the strange next door neighbor eating what you hope is some kind of lunch meat.  The wallpaper is peeling and the kitchens a mess.  “Would you like a snack?” They ask.  “No thanks” you say as you keep track of the exits.  You have a seat and wait for them to collect their work materials so you can get out of there before something attaches itself and you meet several of their cats- scratchy, sniffy, and bitey.  Very concerned now and fearing flea bites you get off the couch and brush cat hair off your clothes.  A loud cockatoo screams from another room.  “Of course” you mumble, still looking around.

You see framed pictures of activists on the walls and some art they clearly got at Ikea.  “Come on back into my office” you hear.  “I’m good” you say, knowing what you see in there will haunt you forever.  There’s a decrepit greenhouse in the backyard.  Envisioning the decaying former colleagues nourishing those veggies from beneath the soil you start for the doorway.  Your associate emerges with a briefcase.  “Ready to go?”  You ask, hopeful.  “Yeah, sorry about the mess, the maids on vacation”.  An obvious lie because the maid’s clearly been stuffed into that hall closet.  That’s when you start to notice that the home has a funny smell.  This was a person you had liked.  That you thought you related to.  That you thought you could hang with.  Suddenly their friendly smile starts to look a bit demented.  You start planning fibs to avoid this in the future.  Another potential friend down.  Well, at least you’ve still got that guy Luke from accounting. Better make those plans soon.

You can see the exit now and feeling a bit better.  Your soon to be ex friend smiles on the way out.  “Want to come to our card game next weekend?”  “Luke always brings the snacks”.  You step outside and think “fudge”.