We’ve reviewed all kinds of places for many different reasons but never two places that both serve their food in trash cans.  To be specific, one serves steamed seafood in a metal bucket and the other serves theirs in a plastic hefty bag.  They may both be a bit crazy – but are they maybe a bit too right? After all, Americans pride themselves on excess, much to the chagrin of many starving nations.  If there’s one thing we’re good at – it’s wasting stuff.  So why not embrace it and revel in the trash heap-edness of it all, roll in it and soak in it like a hot bath.

You see, at a local San Diego favorite called “Joe’s Crabshack”, they bring you steamed oceanic critters piled high in a big metal bucket, and “The Boiling Crab” declares that the real way to enjoy total seafood surrender is to sift through a sauce-filled plastic trash bag of shrimp, crab, crayfish and garlicy steamers.  As usual, we had to dig a little deeper to pry out the truth behind the gimmick and make the final determination whether it’s better to have your dinner brought to you in a big clanging metal bucket like slopping a sounder of swine or to bear the injustice of having your feast of underwater arthropods dumped from a giant hefty bag.

Let’s crack the shell, shall we?

On one hand you’ve got the All-American Joe’s Crabshack where the shelled creatures are sacrificed and served in a garbage pail, evoking the feeling that, beyond rude service, these guys have just gone ahead and started treating their customers like actual pigs.  I’m calling it Haute Barnyard. Of course, they did offer me a scratchy roll of paper towels to wipe my face with, and the menu probably had more fruity sugary girl drinks than entrees.  I had to eat with my hands, but at least I got to sip my pina colada out of a real pineapple.  At some point the staff burst into a song and dance number, which, while enthusiastic, did mean nobody was getting any service during the performance.  They may have spent too much time rehearsing their number and too little time in the kitchen, however, because the dinner itself, what would be a succulent treat of king crab and lobster, was cooked beyond redemption, and looked nothing like its photo.  Of course, it did come in a bucket, designating the meal as trash even before I tasted it.

We also ate at The Boiling Crab recently, where a bulging plastic sack filled with thick red sauce and spiny bright red crustaceans was served, no, dumped on the butcher paper before me.  However humble the experience, the sauce was spot on and the shellfish was succulent, juicy even, and kind of a lot of fun.  And forget the napkins, I had to be hosed off after this meal.  This is one of those times where a radio show fails to fully describe the experience of eating dinner out of a trash bag and being OK with it.  It was less a sense of degradation and more one of delicious over-abundance.  I’ve never been bathed in seafood before.  And here you can also get showered with shrimp and loofah-ed with lobster.  It’s the American dream, or at least it’s a recurring dream of mine.

So the musical performance of whirling dervishes at Joe’s may distract you from the lackluster fair.  And the hefty sack of saucy prawns at The Boiling Crab may be a bit more landfill than 5 star.  But the winner will always be the one that offers the most delectable feast. So with an all American salute we sip from our super size non-biodegradable Styrofoam cups, as we pronounce the winner in this battle of Bug versus Bucket: the Bag wins.

Sorry Joe’s, I offer you a scratchy paper towel to dry your eyes.

The Boiling Crab gets the salute, the bragging rights, and the plaque for being the winner of this very special food fight challenge.