On a recent mid-week trip to Las Vegas, we made plans to stop at a landmark restaurant: The Palms.

These guys have many locations, including one in San Diego so naturally we went there because we couldn’t just go there any time we wanted to right?  Well, the parking is a pain downtown.  It’s actually easier to get to the Vegas location.

Located in the inside out Forum shops in Caesars Palace, it’s a great place to do some people watching.

The Palm specializes in manly steaks and huge lobsters.  Like 3 pounds and up lobsters.  Seriously they have a 5 pounder but I’m not sure I’d want to eat that since they get kind of tough after 3 pounds.  Being the lobster aficionado that I am, I ordered the 3 pound stuffed lobster.  Which was to come topped with a nice broiled crunchy topping of fresh crab meat and breadcrumbs.  Now, a word on lobster for those that are not familiar with the process of preparing them.  Once these things are cooked, they need to be cleaned, because they have these mushy running grayish green guts including a weird liver and some lung sacks- all these should be removed prior to eating, in my opinion.  And in females there is usually an egg sack, called coral, which is full of tiny little red lobster eggs that would otherwise get expelled and one day become new baby lobsters.

Well, I ordered the stuffed lobster, of course and, having dined on lobster many many times, I dived right in, retrieving and nice big gooey bright red egg sack on my fork.  Shocked, I poked around a bit and found, just under the buttery crumb layer, a nice thick greasy pool of lobster guts.

Assuming that this must be some kind of error, and of course taking off a few points for them on my note pad, I called over our waiter.  This smiley young man looked at the mess of guts and looked at me quizzically.  “I believe your cooks have forgotten to remove the tomalley and coral from my lobster”.  “Oh that is no mistake” he says.  “That’s how we prepare it”.

Knowing this is not a common practice, I inquire further, mentioning that I have never been presented with a $100 plate or lobster entrails before and in fact I have dined at the Palms twice and this had never come up, he tells me that I must have gotten a male lobster.

Still figuring this to be some kind of prank they play on critics I ask,

“OK, if that’s really how they are prepared, how often do people complain?”

“About half the time”.

“So you have to make a new lobster every time someone complains?”.

“Yes”.

OK so let’s think about this.  The lobsters are female about half the time, so people are seeing this gut sack half the time, and people complain half the time.  So it’s pretty safe to say that people complain every time they see guts.  You wouldn’t see male lobster’s guts unless you poked around in the upper body part of the lobster, which nobody does because there’s no meat there.

I ask how long they’ve been doing this preparation and the waiter tells me 20 years.  OK, so for twenty years these guys have been intentionally serving something that people don’t like, and tossing out expensive lobsters every time they complain.  To me that just seems like a stupid way to run a restaurant.  That couldn’t possibly be profitable, right?  Am I paying an exorbitant fee for my lobster because they have to cover all the ones they plan on tossing in the trash?  That’s just wrong, and wasteful.  This practice takes all lobsters for granted.  The females are going to be thrown away, before they even have the chance to make more lobsters.  Let’s throw away all the pregnant females… whats wrong with these people.

Normally I wouldn’t give a bad review.  I might have a bad experience but I’d never air it, out of respect for the profession, which these chefs are offering up to me their life’s work so they can grow and thrive and support their staff and help us expand our appreciation of food.  I admire them.  But I just can’t let this one go.

Sorry Palms, but you do not gain my respect by disrespecting the food.  I cannot put my stamp on this kind of practice.  Lobsters are special, succulent and they deserve to be served with butter and beurre blancs and stuffings.  You dishonor them by sending them to the table still simmering in their own entrails.  You are lazy and you know it.  And deliberately serving something that you know your customers don’t like?  That’s unacceptable.  If you wanna serve them guts-in, at least you should warn the customer and give them an option.  Of course then you’d have to charge a reasonable price for them and that would just hurt too much, wouldn’t it.

Little pungent gray flecks of gut juice on your majestic broiled lobster meat anyone?  I pass.

Several martinis later I had to be dragged away from the table to keep me from giving said manager a piece of my mind.

While the thought of having a criminal record for strangling someone with severed lobster claws was tempting, I was on a schedule.  So avenging the affronted crustacean would have to wait.

Dine at the Palms, if you want to, but save yourself the food karma, and tell them you would prefer your lobster sans entrails.